Melancholic mood

Two day ago I got to finally contact one of my ex-classmate back in Mara College Banting through https://namesdatabase.com/ services.

It is hard to believe that it has been more than 10 years since I left Banting. The memories are still fresh and vividly imprinted in my mind.

I found out that he is doing well, VERY well actually. He settled in London. He is an artist now, doing his PhD in art or something, did exhibition on his art works in one of the famous gallery in London, he got good review from art magazines and it seem the was an article on his work in NST last year, I must have missed it, since I read only The Star and occasionally Utusan (on Sundays only).

We have been exchanging few emails since, he updated most in our classmates, MOST decided to settle in England. Only few came back to Malaysia to work. Most married Britons (Scotts, Irish, and English). Everybody kind of settled down, doing quite well. I am happy for them; I have been out of touch from every single of them, since they left abroad.

I hated my life in Banting, I was miserable, first time away from home, I was unable to adapt quite well, but I managed somehow with help of few friends. But I only can look back now with fondest memory. I actually had a good time there, it was fun, I learned about live there. It was fun; I wish that I could re-live it.

I have been thinking a lot the 'what if' questions again.... A LOT!!!!!
What if I went to The UK with them with MARA scholarship? How would my left have turned out? I might turn out to be a different person, maybe better or maybe worse!
I have no regret of what I have right now. I am happy, it just that I can't help to stop thinking about the possibilities that I might have if my life followed a different path.

Ever since I went to vacation on 2004 summer in The UK, all I wanted is to work there and maybe one day settle down. I realize, that it all looks like bed of roses because I went there just for 2 weeks for holiday, the reality might be a bit bitter. But Europe is just magical, I can't quite describe it. It the feeling I had once I landed there, the fresh air, the whether, the smell, the people, the scenery, the politic, the history, the people, it is the whole package.

I am just wondering, the thought keep on lingering in my mind, I wish that it will go away....



The Moods
TIME drops in decay,
Like a candle burnt out,
And the mountains and woods
Have their day, have their day;
What one in the rout
Of the fire-born moods,
Has fallen away?
W.B. Yeats (1865–1939). The Wind Among the Reeds. 1899.