This morning I woke up full with excitement. The day was beautifully, the bird's were chirping more joyously this morning and sun seems to shining brighter. I am just too excited. Why? Well, I got a wedding to attend to!!! That's why....It is not any wedding, it is an Indian Muslim wedding. How exciting!!!! (it should be obvious by now that the I am being SARCASTIC!!!)
Attending any wedding is the one thing that I hated most, for me it a terrible way to waste our precious weekend. I practically have to drag my feet all the way to the wedding hall, put up a smile face, chit chat with who ever sitting beside, eat pay the 'saman' and leave.
It is not that bad actually, but after attending soooo many many many Indian Muslims wedding, I am getting very tired of the monotonousness of the whole wedding/reception functions. All reception seems to be following some kinda unwritten rule (or maybe it is written, IM Wedding 101).
I list down the flow of the event for a typical Indian Muslim wedding reception.
1. Once we reached the hall, we will be greeted by the welcoming committee at the entrance, usually these committee members consists of men or women who are seniors on either side of the brides or the groom.
2. Before we were seated, we should greet and acknowledge everyone we know all the way to our table, even the very very distant relatives, by the time this process is completed, 15-20 mins would have easily gone by.
3. Once we were seated at the noise reception hall, usually a round table that sits 8-10. We would face the dreadful truth. The very very familiar looking menu will be facing us. The food is catered by Syed Restaurant, if it is not, you can be sure that it is not and Indian Muslim wedding and you can safely assume that you have crashed a wrong wedding. The food is the same, Nasi minyak or briyani, mutton, onion chutney, dalcha, spicy fried chicken and dessert is caramel pudding.
4. Bride and groom willl arrive fashionable late. (very late)
5. When they finally arrive, the drink jug on each table would have emptied and the appetizer (usually nuts) would have consumed to the last piece.
6. Brides and groom walks the aisle. Most of the time companied by the "Salawat" by Yusuf Islam (this is a MUST, I remind you)
7. When the newly weds finally settled. The MC starts to welcome the crowd and call an ustaz or maulana with massive beard to recite doa and read verses from Quran.
8. The MC will invites a person of influence in the community (preferable someone with Datokship) to introduce the couples to the guest. While this going on, the crowd continuously ignored the speech and talk loudly among themselves, competing with the PA system.
9. The MC will announce that the food will be served. Crowds get excited.
10. There will be 'food presentation' where the head waiter will makes his grand entrance followed by his follower. This will be accompanied by a very grand music from background, usually form some action movies soundtracks.
11. The crowd fullfills their purpose, they eat.
12. After a while, the MC will call upon the newlyweds to give speech. The newlyweds give speech. The crowd still ignores the speech and minding their own business.
13. MC announce the cake cutting ceremony, couple cut the cake(again accompanied by another background music from movie soundtrack). The crowd is still totally unaware of what happening at the main stage as they busy talking as always)
14. MC announce that guests can wish the couple at the entrance.
15. Another 15-20 mins will pass by waiting in the queue to wish the couple. On the way to queue 'point number 2'repeated here. Another 15 mins gone.
16. When finally arrived at the couple, take couple of minute trying to remember who they are and how we are related to them, if still no idea just say congrats and pay the saman. (anyway it would be impossible to recognize the bride since her face would be transformed into doll-like feature on that day, if they hired a really really bad mak andam).
17. Fuhhh finally out of the hall......wait wait.. there is the auntie you have not met for entire 2 week. She comes running towards you asking how is your health and how is everybody in kampung...no escape.......smile smile...Don't forget that. Another 15 mins flies. (You are lucky if you only encounter only one aunty!)
18. Finally, you are in the car. Oppppssss wait, the wife says, I forget to take the door gift! Run to the hall (it best to enter through the backdoor in order for easy escape) Grab the door gift and run!
19. Ahhh finally in car again!
20. Reach home.... hmmmm another wedding. Heavy food! Time to sleep away the entire Sunday!
My wedding was the exact same!
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