While driving to work this morning I was wondering.
I am driving this car. I have full control of this car, I can stop the car anytime I want, I can just turn the steering and change my destination. The car will obey me. I am the master of my car. If I maintain the car well, it will last long and serves every one of biddings. And yes, I have full control of it.
But if my life is the car, who is sitting on the driver seat? Who is driving my life? Is it me on the driving seat? Am I 'driving' my life. Taking the full control 0f my destiny?
For some, the answer to these questions might be obvious, but not for me. I am not sitting on that driver seat. I feel out of control. I feel I am just a dry leaf on a stream. Drifting with the flow of the water. I feel I have no control of my destination. I couldn't even do 'maintenance' of my life to ensure that it will run smoothly, and some time I even feel it is not even my car! Am I not in even in my car?! no wonder there is different driver sitting on the driver seat!
I am confuse! I thought with age comes wisdom, but I seems to more clueless now. My vision is blurred, I have no aim. I feel my life is pretty fucked up. Sometimes I just shut off my brain, my thoughts, just living the life for its very moment, not to think of future or the past, stop over-thinking everything, and I always failed.
I know I must be my own driver, I ought to be sitting on that driver seat and on the driver seat on MY OWN car.
What should I do, where do I start?
2 comments:
samala kita Guzz, aku go with the flow je.. cuba kau ingat 5 tahun lepas, pernah tak kau fikir kau ada everything yg kau ada skrg? kalau kau TAK PERNAH FIKIR/TAK PERNAH PLAN tapi kau SUKA apa yg kau ada skrg better biar "DIA" je la plankan.. tapi if kau tak suka.. better plan la utk next 5 years.. (lari tajuk ke aku ni?)
well, this is a never ending thing.aku ada tulis pasal menda nih occasionally dlm blog aku jugak. yang terkadang tuh je au rasa i am incharge of my life. aku rasa macam body aku nih digerakkan oleh suatu benda lain. yang bukan aku and sekali sekala jer aku yang kontrolnya (bila aku sedar)
what the hell have you been? aku akan selalu tanya diri aku gitu... aku selalu rasa diri aku yang sebenarnya tied down deep within myself dan meronta-ronta untuk keluar tapi skali sekala je dia dapat 'freedom'...
i dont know guzz. good and bad to know that we share the same shit. kalo ko dah jumpa remedynya nanti, ko bagitaulah aku... i am in desperate need of one...
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