Security in numbers?

I was never really part of a big group as log as I can remember. In primary school, I was much of a loaner. Had no best friend. but loved to go to school and teachers loved me. Come to think of it I had pretty lousy childhood. I has only my friend outside school, we use to travel around the neighborhood, exploring every longkang, bushes and other dirty places. But no group! No football or any other group sports.

In Secondary, I had very few, but VERY close friends, which I still keep in touch till today; again I was not part of that big group. But then again, I guess, I was in the that popular group, whether I liked it or not. I was the head prefect for heaven sake ( My wife still cant believe it and always make fun of me, "head prefect apa yg perangai macam ni?" She will say if I tell her the stories of my mischievous self in school)

And in college, I was never part of the popular mainstream guys. I call them 'mainstream' because, they consider they represent the opinion of the whole batch, but in fact they are not. Mainstreams guys are normally popular among girls. Most probably had girlfriend from the 1^st year in colleague, and rather active in all college activity (most probably to impress the gals)

Well again, I belonged to the 'minority'. We had our own weird stuffs to do, we never gave rat's ass about the mainstream guys' activity, and we find it boring. Most of us, didn't have any gf till toward the final year. We were comfortable talking in our own language (nerdy sci-fi talk), live in different world (probably in even in a galaxy far... far.... away).

I never had this longing to belong to a large group of people. I just don't function well when I am in a crowd. I prefer small close knitted group. I never felt that I must belong to a group for security reason. It most probably due to my 'I don't give a damn what you think about me' and "you can judge me all you want, but it doesn't effect me in any way' attitude.

Even after I entered working life, it hadn't changed. I never bothered about that popular bunch at office. I just 'hi and bye' them when I meet them. But eventually, the friendship grows, without being forced. Hi and bye become more sincere.

Ntah le, maybe I am weird. Belonging to a group of people is great achievement for some but not for me. Maybe I am really comfortable on my own skin and had enough self confidence to stand on my own that I don't have the need to be in a large social group to function.

I don't see myself as anti-social, I just need time to let the friendship to grow. I don't force my self into a '"well established ecosystem", I let myself to adapt to the new habitat before becoming part of that ecosystem.

Over and out!